


Chill

by Fangodess



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:31:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangodess/pseuds/Fangodess
Summary: based on this tumblr post by slaygoldponyboy their blog is amazing and you should check it outA few weeks after the squip has been defeated, Michael and Jeremy are studying in Jeremy’s room. Jeremy’s freaking out over a math test he has coming up the next day.Michael chuckles and tells him to “chill” and Jeremy visibly flinches.It takes Michael a second of awkward silence between the two for him to realize what he said. Jeremy tries to shrug it off but he’s so obviously shaken, not just by the word but because of the physical effect it had on him. Michael moves over to him and kneels in front of him, taking Jeremy’s hands in his own. Softly, he tugs Jeremy off the chair and back to Jeremy’s bed. They sit side by side on the edge of the bed, Michael’s arm wrapped around Jeremy’s shoulders. They just sit there because it’s heavy shit and neither know what to say or do or how to proceed because they’re 17 for goodness sake. Jeremy just wants to be better. It’s bad enough he can still feel it and hear it sometimes. But to realise it still has some lingering physical control on him is just a whole different thing.





	Chill

**Author's Note:**

> here is the post http://slaygoldponyboy.tumblr.com/post/160826815638/slaygoldponyboy-slaygoldponyboy-a-few-weeks  
> here is their amazing blog http://slaygoldponyboy.tumblr.com

Jeremy and Michael were sitting in chairs next to each other in Jeremy’s room doing homework and enjoying just being around each other, something they both had missed because of the SQUIP.  
“I’m going to fail this math test,” Jeremy groans banging his head of the wall.  
“You’ll do great,” Michael says not looking up from what he was writing in.  
“No, I’m going to fail it and I’ll have to drop out. I can’t fail this test. What am I going to do?” Jeremy groans freaking out.  
“Dude, chill,” Michael says chuckling. Jeremy flinches violently and sat up rod straight. They sat in complete silence for about ten seconds before Michael begins apologizing profusely.  
“Fuck, Jeremy I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Michael begins rambling trying to right what he had said.  
“It’s fine,” Jeremy said quietly staring straight ahead.  
“No, it’s not. I didn’t even…” Michael said again.  
“I’m fine,” Jeremy said again.  
“Jeremy,” Michael said softly.  
“I SAID IM FINE!” Jeremy yelled voice cracking on fine because fuck it shouldn’t still have this much effect over him.  
Michael slowly stands and walks over to Jeremy’s chair kneeling in front of him. He takes Jeremy’s hands in his and pulls him up dragging him over to his bed. He pulls him so they are sitting side by side on the bed and Michael drapes his arm over his shoulder and pulls him close.  
They sit there in silence. Jeremy is staring straight ahead breathing heavily. Michael doesn’t know what to do or say to make it better. God, their only seventeen. When did this happen? When did they become this screwed up? They were so young, they shouldn’t have had to deal with this.  
“Fuck,” Jeremy says quietly.  
“Yeah,” Michael replies.  
“Fuck,” Jeremy said again slightly louder, “Fuck,” he said his voice cracked and he curled into Michael’s side. He began to sob, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he chanted sobbing into Michael’s side.  
Michael didn’t know what to do. He tried desperately to comfort Jeremy by holding him and whispering as many comforting things as he can think of. He didn’t know how to deal with this. Did anyone?  
“I can still hear him sometimes,” Jeremy murmured into Michael’s shoulder.  
“What?” Michael asked.  
“Sometimes I’ll say something nerdy and I’ll hear it in my head telling me I’m annoying people and that they’re going to leave because I’m being nerdy. Sometimes I’ll slouch and I can practically feel his disapproval but god at least I wasn’t physically effected. At least I could control myself. I might have been fucking terrified but I had control of my own damn body again. What am I supposed to do now? I can’t even have control of myself. I just want it to stop. I just want to be okay again,” Jeremy continued to sob into his shoulder. Michael held him closer. There was nothing he could say that would make this better. He couldn’t help fix Jeremy. He couldn’t stop the fear that was left behind as a result of the SQUIP. So, he held him and listened to him and hoped that would be enough.  
“He had control of my body and I hated it. I hated the influence that he had even without his control on my body. I was powerless but that wasn’t even the worst of it. I hurt you. He wasn’t in my head and I hurt you because I felt powerless and that made me feel like I had control again. I hate everything about it. I hate everything about myself. I hate that stupid powerless feeling that I have even now. Even after its gone. I hate feeling broken. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it,” he sobbed shaking violently and clinging to Michael.  
Michael didn’t know how to respond or what to do. He wanted to make it better but he didn’t know how. So, he pulled Jeremy into his lap and rocked him. He stroked his hair and kissed his temple.  
“I’ve got you. It will stop one day. You’ll be free of it one day. I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t let you go through this alone. I’ll continue to be here. I won’t leave. It will be okay one day. I’ve got you,” Michael said rocking him and doing everything he could to comfort him.  
Finally, Jeremy let everything go. He told Michael everything. He told him about the nightmares that plagued him, he told him about the fact that he couldn’t do anything without the SQUIP’s voice in his head telling him it wasn’t cool, and he talked about how sometimes he felt like maybe it wasn’t worth it. How sometimes he felt the only way to stop the voices in his head was to end it all.  
“I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. I’m scared, terrified, of myself, my own mind. I can’t do it anymore Michael I can’t,” he said having collected himself in his explanation and now he seemed emotionless. That scared Michael more than anything else.  
“It will stop. It’s not going to happen immediately and I wish I could make it better. If I could find a way to stop your pain I would, in a heartbeat, but I can’t, so I’ll be there for you. I’ll be there as whatever you need. I’m here for you,” Michael said quietly.  
“I’m so scared,” Jeremy said sounding broken.  
“I know. I’ve got you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again. It’s going to be okay, one day,” Michael said. Jeremy wasn’t any less scared but for the first time he felt like maybe he would make it out of this alive. Maybe he would even more than just survive.


End file.
